Home > Oates > FAQ

Last Updated: September 07, 2003

"Hi... I'm Oates."


Frequently Asked Questions

This is a work in progress -- please check back frequently for any changes or additions.


Why "Oates?" As you may know, we named our wedding website "jamie." In the same spirit, we decided to give this one a name as well. Hence -- "Oates."

No, seriously... Why "Oates?" The long answer is simply too verbose to provide here. The short answer: because "Hall" often gets too much credit.

Cool music in the Flash movie! Sounds kind of familiar -- what is it? "Clubbed to Death" by Rob D. Dugan, which comes off of the "Matrix" motion picture soundtrack. Mike used Goldwave to edit the selection down to 87 seconds.

When is the thing due? The doctor told us January 2003. Please let us know how you do in the pool...

Is it going to be a boy or a girl? Yes. It will be a boy or a girl. Do we know at this time? No. Do we want to know before birth? Not if we can help it.

We have requested from our obstetrician that she not tell us, actually. But if you feel that you really need to know, you can call her. Just don't tell us.


Does fyona know? Yes. fyona (our cat) has been told, but she's in denial. However (true story), Kyra had visited this very website  to the "ask fyona" section before she took her pregnancy test -- and fyona told her that "yes, yes, a thousand times yes," Kyra was pregnant.

Kyra then consulted the doctor for a second opinion.


When is the shower? Where are you registered? How will I know what to buy? While we appreciate the thought of gifts from everyone, we hold by Jewish tradition that we will wait until the baby is actually born before accepting gifts on the baby's behalf.

We would like to remind you, however, that we're still accepting gifts for ourselves! Cash, as always, is nice. You can even visit Pier 1, Crate and Barrel, Target, or even Saturn to buy us anything you'd like. We will categorize these gifts as "belated wedding presents" for accounting purposes.


Where do babies come from? Hopefully, you're just kidding if you're asking this, as most education on this topic is usually shed sometime around middle school. For Kyra and Mike, this information was cryptically disseminated through cheesy filmstrips that also talked about acne, men's voices changing, and something about napkins that still confuses Mike to this day.

If you're not kidding and you're under the age of 18, please ask your parents, a guidance counselor, or another adult with whom you feel comfortable.

If you're not kidding and you're over the age of 18 -- well, we recommend you spend a late evening at home watching "Cinemax." That may not be so educational, but certainly entertaining nonetheless.


Are you having more than one? During this pregnancy, we have confirmed that we will be having just one child. Which narrows the chances of our kid being the next Mary Kate or Ashley Olsen.

Where will you be delivering the baby? We are expecting to deliver the baby in the new George Washington University Medical Center in Washington, DC.

Now, some of you might say, "Aha! You're expecting to give birth there -- but just you wait: you'll probably actually deliver in the car on the Beltway, in the storeroom at Trader Joe's, or while on shmira at a USY event!"

No. We will be giving birth in the hospital. Nowhere else.


Will you be posting pictures of the birth on this website? Okay, look: The wedding was one thing. The house, another. But the birthing process? Eeewwwww...

We'll be sure to have pictures of the kid after delivery. You'll thank us later...


How about sonogram pictures? Will you be posting them? Yes, we had a sonogram at 12 weeks. Here's what our baby looks like thus far:

Okay, not really. We didn't even think of asking for a Polaroid of the sonogram we got. But the baby is absolutely beautiful and was doing flips and everything. And s/he actually was wearing a big red scarf. (Okay, also not really. But we did get to see the heart beat, which kind of looked like a flashing little cursor. Which kind of made Mike want to go over to the sonogram machine thing and play "Pong.")

You know, there was a point to this when we started this last paragraph, but I think it's lost now... Ah, yes. We will ask for a copy of the sonogram next time. Promise.

UPDATE: [September 1, 2002] We have pictures! See for yourself...


Have you told your parents yet? Yes. We're blessed to have four wonderful, very supportive people who are enthusiastic about becoming grandparents. (Two of them for the first time, two of them for the third time.)

What will you be naming the child? What will his/her last name be?

 The last name will not be Schuschein.

As for the first and middle names, we have some ideas. But we're not going to tell you them now.

However, here is a list of ten names we have already ruled out:

10. Clem
9. Harris Teeter
8. Yasser
7. Ronald Reagan National Scheinberg (even if we did name it this, we probably would just call it "National". )
6. SanDeE* ("Big S, small A, small N, big D, small E, Big E... and a star.")
5. Brnhilde
4. AOL/Time-Scheinberg
3. Anything which would make it's nickname be "Ponch"
2. G. Gordon
1. Hillel
 


What is a vole? A vole is any of several mouse-like rodents of the genus Microtus and related genera, having short limbs and a short tail. It's short for volmouse.

Kyra and Mike will not be having one of these.


We really enjoyed the Jewish Wedding FAQ you two made. Will you be writing one up about Judaism and the birth of a child? Yes. Keep an eye out for it. We'll be writing this as we get closer to January.

I'm seeing people write B'Sha'ah Tovah on your website. What does that mean? This is a congratulatory remark in Hebrew which one is supposed to say upon hearing the news that someone is pregnant. Literally, it means "in a good hour." The figurative meaning is "better watch every episode of Oz now, because there's no way you're gonna be allowed to when you have a kid in the house."

Are you all really putting up a betting pool on the gender of the kid? Come on... How sick and twisted do you think we are?

Wait -- Yes. Right. We are.  Check it out here...


Please email us with any further questions -- and we'll be happy to answer them.

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